It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing wants to go my way--
yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily

Even my skin is acting weird
I wish that I could grow a beard
Then I could cover up my spots
not play connect the dots
I just wanna disappear

Can only go up from here
where the clouds gonna clear
There's no way but up from here

Even something as simple as
Forgettin' to fill up on gas
There ain't no explanation why--
things like that can make you cry
Just gotta learn to have a laugh

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...

When everything is goin' wrong
Don't worry, it won't last for long
Yeah, it's all gonna come around
Don't go let it get you down
You gotta keep on holding on

It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing want to go my way--
yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily

So again its been ages.. not a lot is different. still at the same ol boring job. life itself is still the same. kinda sucks.It seems i only update on here when im down. that can be a good thing i suppose...

I dont even know where to start.. im soo confused (nothin really that new)... It's basically the same story that I've been dealing with for the last few months.. its weird.. ok. I start seeing a guy and things go extreamly well, so in other words i fall for him.. we go out or "hang out" a few times and then its like they just vanish. poof. I don't know if its ...what I'm saying.. how I'm saying it.. or even what I'm doing... or if it's just the fact they were infatuated with a certain feature of mine and then got bored... Why is it i can't find someone who actually wants to be with me... not a certain part of me. I concider myself a half decent person.. Not to toot my own horn or anything.. but i concider myself pretty reasonable.. nice... understanding... kind.. but i do admitt sometimes i can be pretty blunt.. but thats just me. It's not like I'm a rude person.. or even mean. I dont get it..

My head (and heart sadly), feels like its being pulled apart.. and theres nothing I can do to control it. I've tried getting my mind of the subjects that are bothering me... work.. guys... car.. the list goes on. But no matter what I try and do theres always that gut wrenching feeling that brings the thoughts flooding back.. its like i cant get rid of them. Well i dont want to get rid of them.. i kinda just want to put them all a side just for a little bit so i can enjoy my life a little bit, without worrying about this or that... but i cant just make my problems go away. Life sucks in that sence i suppose. But i just wish it was a little easier.

Things are never easy.. if they were i guess they wouldnt be worth going through if you couldnt get experience from it. I guess thats a good way of looking at things.. experience. something bad happens ... chalk it up to experience and do everything in the future to avoid that certain situation again. i guess i could start looking at it that way... if i don't and i let things get to me the way they have.. i dont think i'll be around for much longer... i gotta learn to relax... chill... and take it easy and not let the little things i cant control get to me. If not i think i will literally loose my mind. Things can be so hard... and they get harder if you cant think clearly... so if you have 3 and 4 different problems at the same time, its not as easy to try and sort things out. I have to take things one at a time and just fix them to my own ability.. i cant get in over my head anymore..

all problems stop now. i cant take anymore...
i wish it was that easy
But it isnt...
Its just something i have to deal with i suppose

I'll update again soon... more then likely..

yup

Describe me in one word - just one.
Comment to me, then post this entry to your LiveJournal and see how many strange things people think about you.

So last night was the best night ever. I can't remember the last time i had so much fun. beyond loaded. great times. check it out on the site, www.jennsjoint.piczo.com . I cant wait for next weekend. the sickness the next day was deffiantly a downfall tho. ohh well... im over it now.

on another note work is going ok. a little stressful at times, but what job isnt right? i guess i just gotta hang in there. so i dont really find myself with alot of free time lately. and when i finally get it i do nothing with it, because im so wore out from being kept busy. its really a lose lose situation. im going to have to make time and start doing things again. mayne kickboxing will gt me going again. we'll see what happens.

im really sick of worrying about things that are really none of my buisness. If a persons decision doesnt directly effect me i have no right to make judgement on them i suppose. i just dont like it when people i care so much about ruin their lives by doing stupid little things. but like i said its really none of my buisness, but im not going to stand by and watch someone do something that has nothing but a negitive effect. sorry cant do it. i just wish some people would smarten up. but thats too much to hope for. but i think im done. ill update again when something interesting is goin on.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

so its been awhile.. not much is going on lately ...same ol shit. work is goin ok. I'm still there, if that counts. hopefully I will find something better before the end of July, that would be cool. Until then I'm just going to have to sweat it out I guess. Nothing I'm not use to tho. So in other news.... CAMPING TRIP on Canda Day weekend!! god only knows who'll show up. lol. ohh i cant wait.. i love our camping trips.. so much fun to be had. seems soo far away tho. oh well. just have to wait it out.

On another note... i feel like just ranting for a bit.. so if you dont think your going to like what i have to say... stop reading here!


Lately I've been wondering, Why can't I like the people I want to like? And why can't i dislike the people I want to dislike? It's like I have people telling me who I have to get along with. I dont think I should have to put up a fake front for someone in order for them not to know what I think about them, I think It's rather silly. Why should I lead someone to beleive I feel a certain way about them when I completely feel the opposite way towards them? I just dont get it. Now I can go to the point to being decent around them, not being rude. However, people can't get mad at me because of the way I feel towards certain people. I have the right to make up my own mind, about who I want to hang out with and when i want to do it. I really don't like it when people try to force me to be around people i dont like! It's not my fault I feel the way i do towards them, they more then likely did or said something for me to treat them the way i do. I don't do anything without a reason. I honestly dont try to make people feel bad, or put people down. I don't realize I have this affect on people, But at the same time these people shouldn't let me affect them as much as I do. Because, like i do them, they also have their own opinions about me. I don't know what their true opinions are of me. Who knows they could be one of the ones who put on the fake smiles in front of you and then talk up a storm behind your back, or they could be the most honest person and let you know how they truely feel about you. But thats just it, you never know. So,why put up the fake act to lead people to beleive something that is completely untrue? Then wouldn't you be the bad one? The dishonest one? I guess it all depends on how you look at it.

I treat people the way they treat me. I'm not going to go out of my way to be nice to someone that is treating me like dirt. I will kill with kindness to a point. But everyone has a breaking limit. Some reached way before others. The people that are my friends know how to take me for who i am, they know i have good intentions when i do something, they know i would never intentionally hurt someone, they know that i'm a nice person. You just treat me the way you want to be treated. And don't force me to do things that i just can't do. I dont force any of my friends to do anything to make them the slightest bit uncomfortable, I just expect them same in return.

Well I guess I'm done, as ususal I just wanted to get my point across.
~*~Jenn~*~


"So often do I get compliments
On the smile I wear on my face
I wish they would look closer
And notice that smile is so fake

That fake smile is worn for a reason
You'll find with me though out the season
A smile so misleading shows you I'm OK
If only you could see behind my smile
You'll see the demons I must slay

I love the smile upon my face
It truly hides all my disgrace
From every twist and slit I made on my wrist
To those heavenly white pills I couldn't resist

So often do I get compliments
On the smile I wear on my face
I wish they would look closer
And notice that smile is so fake"
by Zee

so how was everyones weekend? mine wasnt too bad... saturday was pretty good for the most part... omitting the part where i got a pointless and disturbing phone call. but anyways.. me, jr, his dad, his dads girl lisa, danielle and megan all went to the dance... it was a good time i guess. lol.. friday kinda sucked... i worked till 10:30... then found out jamie went for a little road trip... havent seen him since.. i guess hes stuck whereever he is... ahh well... i guess it aint my problem. im not making other peoples problems mine anymore. i have enough of my own to deal with let alone anyone elses.

... workin now. it aint goin to bad. i just have to get my head into it. it will happen eventually i guess..... lets see what else is goin on. i cant really recall anything major that happened recently. hmmm yeah this entry is pretty pointless but ahh well... jsut keepin ya all updated.. ill do it more often hopefully. lol.

~*~Jenn~*~

.... so... been ages hasn't it.. where to start. things are a bit different since the last time i updated. i no longer work a subway. i quit. yay me. lol. i'm enjoying my time to myself... not having anything to worry about for a while really was awesome. but as we all know as soon as your stress free you always find something new to stress about. Lately i dont know whats going on with me. i'm deffinatly not acting like myself. I cant really say its a bad thing.buts its not good either. people are totally getting the wrong impression from me most of the time. like... im getting to the point where im actually afraid to put in my own opinions on issues because of how someone might take it. some people think i try to find conflict, where i completely try to avoid it. I can't understand how some people can misread me on such a high level. I would never intentionally hurt somebody i didnt know,nor somebody i did know. im just not like that. and for somebody to accuse me of anything like that obviously doesnt know what im about right? if that makes any sence... im trying to make sence of it all. i dont so things in thought of ruining or running somebodies night.

Did you ever do something your head told you not to.. but your heart knew you had to? and when you do it and someone asks you why you did it, you cant answer them. its the most confusing and nerveracking experience you can go through. (depending on the circumstances i suppose.)your standing in front a person trying to explain it to them, but the words just cant form into sentences. its so clear in your head. but you cant get it through to them. its so frustrating, especially if the person isn't interested in anything you have to say. but yet you can be hung up on ever word they speak. its heartbreaking to me. but yet at the same time none of this makes sence to me... nothing at all. i dont know what i want from life... what i want for my future... who i want in my future. i have to actually make these decisions and decide who i need in my life and who i have to get rid of. its going to be extreamly hard... but really its the only way i can get on with my life. if not i can see me being like this for a while. and i dont want to be. i dont want people misreading me for a bad, hateful person... when im clearly not. at least not that i can see. i dont know maybe i am actually a cold hearted bitch and just dont want to admitt it. but i cant see it. i care too much about people i dont know to be like that. but i just cant be around some people.. and people that cant accept that ... i dont know. i have to be happy where im at in my life... right now... im content. but not even near where i want to be. i have to have people around me that accept me for who i am and how i am. i dont want to be changed, or altered in anyway. if im going to change im going to do it for me. not because someone advises me to do it. some words can be so helpful at one point. and at another point they can be extreamly cold and hurtful. right now im concerned with how people see and take me, and when people point out the bad in me i see nothing but bad when i look at myself. i know i shouldnt, but i do.

i stoped updating for as long as i did because of some certain person didnt like me talking about our relationship in my journal.. so like a fool i actually started keeping things bottled up because i had no one to talk to,and i couldnt write about it in here. so now im at the point where i need to talk to someone or at least get things off my chest into here.

i dont know how i can help myself. i dont know who i can go to. i dont really want to go to anybody. i would rather face obsticals alone. it only makes you stronger, and more confident. and no matter how i look at it i cant see it being a bad thing to be over-confident or independed. im proud of the way i know how to handle myself and how to pick myself up when im down... this time it may take me a little longer. but i will do it.


i know this post might have made no sence to whoever read it... but i know what im saying... and thats really all that matters... ok... im done

so guys im finally 19.. yeay me. i had a ball on my birthday. i went to the casino with my mom and cousins. and from there we went to dooly's, with keely and shawn. we stayed there for a bit... by this time i was pretty tipsy. then keely and shawn started fighting and getting on my nerves. so we left and went to the bonnie where keely and shawn droped us off at. lmao. drank there for a bit then went home for a min. elise and ryan picked me up and elise and i went to the capri and the rum jungle... it was an awesome nite. lmao... got loaded... walked home very late in the nite. lmao.. it was awesome.

so that was on friday nite.. on sat i didnt really do anything... at like 12 in the morning i went down daves house and chilled there... we stayed up all nite talkin and all that fun stuff... went to sleep around 10:30 in the morning.. slept till 4:30... woke up to my sister flippin out on me on the phone bc i didnt go top the caves... so she was pissed for awhile and wouldnt talk to me.. she got over it eventually tho... nothin else really new with me... school in sept.. whoo me... lmao. So me and dave are "seeing eachother" now lol... who saw that one comming? deffinatly not me. i really dont know how im suppose to feel.. like im extreamly happy hes back in my life.. he actually means the world to me. but at the same time im scared of what might happen. like say we start goin out again... things could possibly turn out the same way they did the first time. and i dont know if i could go through that again. i was actually hurt over the whole thing.. and i was the one that desided for the turnout. like.. whats wrong with me? i dont learn? .. maybe im just a forgiving person.... not a bad thing. i love spending time with him.. and just talking to him... it makes me happy. but i dunno. i think i give up. life is too short to just let it pass by.. whatever happens happens... whether it be good or bad for me... everything happens for a reason i guess. just gotta sit back and enjoy the ride while ya can. lol.. well now im just goin on basically about anything and everything.. so im out.
~*~Jenn~*~

so guys its been awhile since ive updated. so to catch yas up. i bought a car about a week ago. a 1990 cutlass ciera. its not the nicest thing i could drive but hey.. its mine! lol. and i love it. i had to give up my phone tho so i could afford it. shauna isnt too impressed about it. but hey. she'll get over it. so last nite i did something i never thought id do. i broke up with dave. i cant believe i did it. but i did. and im not sure how im reacting to it. bc i dont think its normal. i thought i wanted to break up with him. because i couldnt handle the relationship anymore. i cant stand not talking to him. on one hand im happy its over with but on the other i miss him and i want him back. but i cant take him back. its only putting more stress on me that i cant handle. i have to worry about paying for my car and work and school. and to have a boyfriend on top of that, that only puts more stress on me. im not saying i dont want a botfriend. its just that i want one that cares about me and wants to go out with me. instead of staying in all the time. i need someone who will show me i mean something to them. im not just there. it hurts alot because i really cared about dave. he meant alot to me. and its really hard to let him go. but i have to do whats right for myself. dont i? i dunno anymore. i want him back but i dont. ugh. i hate being like this. hopefully il be ok in a few days. if not i dont know what im going to do. but this isnt helping me any so im going to bed. ill update more in a few days i guess. i think i should get some help. lol.

~*~Jenn~*~

I was just recently reading my live journal enteries... and i came to the realization that i hardly ever have anything nice to say about dave... and i feel sorry about that so much. Basically because i've been thinking about it for a long time and hes actually not that bad of a guy. i know in past posts ive told you stories about him (which are actually true) , but there are other sides of him that you guys dont know about him... he can actually be a very sweet and kind person... when he wants to be. hahaha. but this past weekend i realised that he is sweet and conciderate. he didnt really do anything to put this into my mind... but just when i see how he acts around me and then how he acts around other people... it amazes me. its like i actually mean something to him. well more then likely i probably do mean something to him.. if not why wwould i be there to begin with? but neways... enough about this... im basically just telling you all this so you know my boyfriend isnt all that bad... and really like him alot. and i will stop complaining so much about him.. bc i've decided not to break up with him... i want to "keep" him. LMAo. :P

But anyways.. hahaha... this weekend wasnt a total waste i guess... friday night i didnt really do anything i dont think. no i didnt do nething bc i had to work on sat. so i went home and went to bed early. lol.so i got up on saturday morning went into work... it was completely freakin crazy... it was retarded.so i got off work at about 6 i think n then i went home and relaxed in the tub. and i didnt call dave until about 11:30... i wasnt even going to go down. but when i called him he asked me if i was going down and i said i didnt know priobably not.. and then he got all disgruntled and said that he missed me and he wanted me to go down. i was like alright then.. ill be down in a bit. so i went down and him n ange were there... then ange went to bed after awhile and me and dave stayed up all night talking.it was awesome. and we fell asleep around 8 or 9 sunday morning. lol. ange came down at about one and woke us bc dave had to go to the hospital and visit his mom.. so i went with them. we stayed up there for a couple of hours and then dane came and picked us up. we dropped ange off at her moms place and then me and dave went back to his place. we watched t.v for awhile and then he ordered us something to eat. then we laid down for a little bit and around 11 he got his car and drove me home. so all and all the weekend wasnt a total waste... im impressed. It was alot better then last weekend... stupid esky... but im not getting into that... it blew and did nothing but get dave angery with me.and for stupid reasons.. so im done. hahaha. but i guess im out guys... this wasnt a very long entry .. but heyy none of them are. haha... ill update again eventually guys... Luv Yas All... <3

~*~Jenn~*~

I honestly dont understand what goes through some peoples minds at times. it completely baffles me. people are just so self involoved they dont see whats going on around them. they tell you u mean the world to them and that they'd do anything in their power to keep you happy, and then a few days pass and it seems like the conversation never happened. like it a figment of my imagination. like am i just losing my mind or do these thing actually happen and you just say things to make yourself feel better? i just dont understand it at all. my mind is running a mile a minute trying to figure out what goes on in someone elses mind, and it doesnt seem how long i think about it i only know what i see.. i dont know whats going on in their minds and thats a scary thing. I think to myself.. should i do this? would this be the wrong thing to say?.. will this end our relationship? its a line of endless questions with no answers. I am a risk taker to an extent but if i think im going to say the wrong thing i just wont say it. im scared to start a pointless fight over something stupid. i refuse to ruin a perfectly good realtionship over something that stupid. the consiquences just are not worth it. and then you get mad at me bc i dont tell you what im thinking. i wont tell you because i dont know how you'll react to it. I know im not that stupid, why start a fight that it this fucking pointless? you could go out and murder someone and i wouldnt think any less of you, but if i say the wrong fucking think once u start a fucking war. i dont know if i can live like this anymore. im scared to talk now.

I just cant take this anymore. wither you want to be with me or you dont. i dont know how to talk to you anymore without setting you off. like god. it seems like we start fights now for a fucking hobby. i just dont understand you anymore. Im starting to think if you are actually worth all of these headaches. are you really worth it? PLease just tell me. im sick of these headgames. It seems you dont want to talk to me unless im right there in front of you. ill call you and then u say ull call me back in a minute and u never call me back. u dont want to talk to me unless im rite there and its not rite. inorder to have a fucking good relationship we have to communicate. it cant just be ohh ill see you again next saturday. and go all week without talking.. i cant. im going nuts not nowing what your doing or who. like god. you want me to trst you but in order to trust you i need to know you. i dont even know you anymore. But i think im giving up.. yes im done.


~*~Jenn~*~

What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part Is	Your Ass
Special Talents Are	Blow Jobs
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your Love Life by lpfloatsmyboat
Name/username/nickname:
favorite color:
best physical quaility:	nothing really :(
best personality trait:	you don't follow the croud
will you marry your bf/gf that you have now?	it depends
when will you get married?	March 22, 2018
your kiss is:	mixed messages
People date you because:	you're kind
Quiz created with MemeGen!

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents think	You're sleeping around
Strangers think	You're hot
Friends think	You're a slut
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your Sexual Profile (you sexual deviant you...) by sparkledee
Name
Your Secret Kink Thing	Spin cycle on washing machine
Your Sexual Strength	Your sensual massage...
Your Sexual Weakness	You're scared of butt plugs.
Your Likely STD	You've every STD known to man
How Many Partners in Crime?	1
Quiz created with MemeGen!

What Makes You.. by SheBangs12
Your name?
Your gender?	MaleFemaleOther
What makes you sexy?	Your hair
What makes you pretty?	Your figure
What makes you loveable?	How amazing you are
What makes you fun?	Everything about you!
What makes you irresistable?	Your flirtatious nature
What makes you cute?	How affectionate you are
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Sooooo True .. lmao

I stole this from micki... hope ya dont mind. lol

What Icon Are You?... by AngryAsHell
Name
Age
Gender
Favorite Color	BlueRedGreenPinkPurpleBlackOrangeYellowSilverGoldBrownWhiteGray
Your Music Icon
Your Love Icon
You Life Icon
Quiz created with MemeGen!